post 18

Alright. This is it. The UPCAT's this Saturday, 12:40 to be exact at the New Bldg. in UP I.S. and well, I WANT to feel good about the fact that I'm going to slave over 5 hours worth of paperwork to answer. But I all I feel is anxiety. Ahh.. the future. MY future. As cliche as it may sound, it is in my hands. I actually want ATENEO but then either UP or ADMU would be a-ok. Plus the "drugs-in-my-brain" (I don't wanna say confidence because it doesn't quite illustrate it fully...) that I've amassed over these last few months of studying for the tests have been making my hands lukewarm. Drugs being the self-generated motivation I've eerily fed on. *sighs* UPCAT.... This is what I've actually imagined quite vividly. Me staring at what the hell logarithms are and what my future has for..me. Then, we go to the so called advance algebra, which we all love. Yeah it makes sense, BUT, does it really matter. Oh ok... tell me it's what you have to get through to make it through college and find a decent job. But quite frankly, it's useless. We're all living here for one purpose which is to live this life in the painstakingly best way possible. And math, well, it is.....still part of the educational path to righteousness we all might walk on forever. And it just annoys me. And, if you think about it, we do not really need Math. We need a new subject to replace it. I'll say it now. I hate MATH. I hate the way numbers actually enslave you and yeah, "make you learn". Why the hell did mankind create Math anyway? To explain things... I guess. But they did not have to go too far to rhetorically make up explanations using God-forbid, parabolas in every twisted shape and equations which do not mean a thing in...yeah, life. Math. Pahirap sa buhay.Besides my desire for MUSIC for the whole year instead of media ed, why don't they just teach Philosophy instead of Math? Ha! Like that'll work. Philo with a twist. Not the ordinary Philosophy about moral crap, but an analysis on society to a deeper extent. That'd be fun. No limits to it. Just a weaver of that fine line between necessity and whatever the opposite of it is. It'll be like an organized anarchistic subject. Ah...Ok...there goes my imagination rearing its weird side again.

This week was exhausting. From Math tests to long tests.. I'm just glad that I have 3 days to get some rest and do what I have to do: the UPCAT, and whatever hw to do.

Hahahahahahahahaha. I skipped...class today. No, actually, I just didn't go to that Mass at the Church of Gesu because I had to go home and do SOMETHING. 12 out of 36 people went so it doesn't really matter now huh? Yeah, I know I'll pay for it.. Push-ups + 2 hours post... Ha! Fun..fun.. Sama ko...

I'm listening to Portishead right now. Pretty depressing. Nice songs though. Kulang na lang, umuulan eh...